An attempt at Humor

WHAT PETS WRITE IN THEIR DIARIES  (This is not original, completely stolen from an internet email and pictures of our pets added.)

Excerpt from a Dog’s Diary……..

The scurvy dog. He must be retarded.

8:00 am – Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am – A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am – A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am – Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm – Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm – Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm – Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm – Milk Bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm – Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm – Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm – Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

Excerpt from a Cat’s Diary…

Held captive

Day 983 of my captivity….

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.

Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a ‘good little hunter’ I am. Bastards.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of ‘allergies.’ I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow — but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released – and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now .

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Haiku by Taffy

My claws are tingling

Visitors have invaded

They will taste my wrath

I am Taffy. Nessie, I have your people here. I am holding them hostage until you stop your complaining and act sensible. One more simpering post from you and I do not hesitate to shred them. Oh yes little missy; I still have my claws. Heh-heh.

Public Apology

It has been brought to my attention that a very emo cat has been posting to this science blog.  Now I fully admit that the subjects of this blog are varied.  I have tried to keep it 50% science content and 50% other topics.  I see that the “visits” counter have peaked on days when non-science topics are featured.  So as not to contribute to the dumbing down of America, I will now only post serious science topics.

On second thought, if the only reason the readers are coming to my blog is to read non-science stuff maybe I better keep it going.  They may stumble upon the serious articles by accident. 

But I swear, Nessie, get off my blog!  Maybe you should get your own.  Infamous.